Squeaky Wheel

I've been told by several people in the past couple of weeks that I am very good at hiding my anxiety.  After thinking about it for a while, I decided that those people are right.  My more casual friends have no idea that I even have a problem.  I have panic attacks in the presence of close friends and family all the time, but they never know anything about it because I keep it bottled up inside.
It occurred to me that no one can help me if they are not aware that I am having a problem.  They say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease."  Well, I haven't been very squeaky!

I am challenging myself to find the happy medium between acting like nothing is ever wrong...

Everything's fine here!

...and crying publicly every time I have a twinge of panic.

I'm afraid of EVERYTHING!

Two nights ago, Boyfriend was scheduled to leave home at 4am in order to catch a flight to Oklahoma.  I was feeling very nervous about the prospect of a panic attack between the hours of 4am and 8am that morning (the time between when Boyfriend was to leave and the time that I leave the house for work).

I decided not to hold my fear in and let it eat me from the inside out.  I called my friend, Kelly, and told her I was feeling anxious.  I asked her if she would spend the night in our guest room.  Within a few hours, Kelly was there.  What a great friend she is for coming over to make me feel better!

I know that I need to become able to spend a night alone.  I'll get there.  That wasn't the lesson I think I was supposed to learn that night though.  I learned that: 1) It's OK to ask for help and 2) There are wonderful people in my life who care enough to help me when I ask for it.

I squeaked.  Kelly greased me.  I am thankful.