Nope to Dope

I am 24 years old, and I have never smoked marijuana.

My mother also suffers from panic disorder. Long before Mom ever met my dad, she worked for a lawyer. Said lawyer invited my then young and impressionable mother to a party at his home, where she tried smoking pot. Her first time would prove to be her only time, as smoking weed caused her to have a panic attack that lasted several hours. Having heard this story numerous times growing up, I am somewhat afraid of the potential effects that the drug could have on me. It is for this reason that I have politely declined each time someone has passed me a joint.

In the past few weeks, I have had no fewer than three people offer marijuana to me to help my anxiety.

"Here, bro."

The way I see it, my smoking weed could really only go one of three ways:

1. I have the same reaction to marijuana that my mother did. I have the worst anxiety attack of my life and end up going to the emergency room for help. The hospital staff call the police and I am arrested for doing drugs. I go to jail. Or something.

Dead weight.

2. Smoking weed goes AWESOME. I feel calmer than I ever have in my life and I regret not having done this sooner. In the months following, I gain 150 pounds due to a lack of exercise and a chronic case of "the munchies."

Dinner time.

3. Smoking pot is relatively uneventful. A few days after trying it, however, I am offered my dream job as a professional mattress tester and must submit to a drug test.

Where can I find clean urine at this hour?

I feel fairly certain that getting high will end catastrophically for me no matter how you spin the situation. I won't say that I'll never try it, because maybe I will one day. For now though, I'm just gonna have to pass.